Early in the morning I was waiting for my friend in a coffee shop for our regular get-together. My friend showed up late—which is not his habit—and he looked frazzled. He told me he discovered he had a flat tire as he parked his car, and now a parking inspector was changing his tire. We walked over and talked to the parking inspector as he was changing the tire. He shared with us that “I prefer helping people to giving them tickets.” It was a quiet and sleepy morning and there were not many parking violations to check for, and this man decided he was going to use his time to make somebody else happy. And he did make my friend happy, not only because he solved the problem of the flat tire, but also because he showed to a stranger that he cared.
Parking inspectors are not popular, nobody likes getting a parking ticket. Yet this inspector infused his job with an activity that made somebody happy. And in the process, it likely made the inspector happy too because he received gratitude instead of the hostility that he encountered much of the day.
This then raises the question of how you can infuse your work, or other aspects of your life, with actions that make others happy? Some of these things may take some time or effort, here are some ideas.
In our everyday life we sometimes need to call a company to sort out a problem such as a billing question. I make a point of asking for the name of the person that I talk to and use that name repeatedly in the conversation. Instead of complaining, which might be my instinctive reaction, I simply ask “can you help me?” These two actions humanize the conversation and help the other person feel appreciated and take on a helpful stance.
If you are a teacher, you could set some time apart to talk to a student who struggles and then support that student. With colleagues I have created lists with Teaching with Heart Practices and Advising with Heart Practices that may give teachers ideas for creating a caring classroom environment. Much of this advice is applicable outside the classroom as well.
Behold the humanity of the persons we interact with. Sometimes we just see the role of another person—as colleagues, student, neighbor, partner—without seeing them as real people with their feelings, hopes, and challenges. When we see others as real people, we automatically become kinder and more understanding. Doing so just requires us to get out of autopilot.
Often small actions that take little time or effort can make a positive difference.
Say “thank you” regularly. I aim to do this at least once an hour.
Americans tend to ask “how are you?” without paying attention to the response to this question. But when you ask, “how ARE you?” and then take a moment to truly listen, others are heard and seen and they notice that.
Be polite. Hold the door for somebody or pick up something that they have dropped.
Bringing laughter and levity into our conversations creates a more positive mood. The point is not to crack corny jokes but just breaking out of the mood of seriousness brightens us up.
These are all small things, but they can infuse the day with a little light.
Whether it concerns large or small steps, it helps to ask ourselves the question “what action can I take to make the life of another person better or easier?” You can then always decide whether you are able and willing to take that action. You likely will discover that such actions infuse your job, or other aspects of your life, with meaning. It all boils down to being a beneficial presence. You could make it your intention to be a beneficial presence. And when you do that, you will notice that you will sometimes fail. I certainly fail at times when I am tired, pre-occupied or worried. But we don’t need to be perfect to be good. And you don’t need to spend your days changing tires for strangers.