Several years ago, I took a wonderful class in facilitating meetings that was taught by Eileen Flanigan. In turns we were leading 15-minute meetings with the other participants in the class. We were asked to define goals that we wanted to reach in our meeting, and the other trainees got cards that indicated disruptive behavior that they were asked to display. For example, some participants received a card stating you are distracting your neighbor, while others were told that you don’t want to make a decision and therefore elevate the conversation to a higher intellectual level. (Academics, are you paying attention?) When I was leading the practice session, I achieved all my goals, and the others in the training were enthusiastic of the way I had led the session. Then I noticed that Eileen looked at me with eyes that said “young man, we need to talk.” I turned to her and asked what her concern was. She then said “Roel, you were running your session like a military operation. If you put more love in the way you lead, you achieve everything that you have achieved now, and even more. Put a kitten in your iron fist.”
This was a clunk moment for me. I can be goal-oriented and can be so focused that I forget to be kind, patient, and considerate. I sometimes forget that it may take time to reach a decision with a group, and that others may need more time to do so than I do. It is my “production mindset” that makes me want to move forward quickly, sometimes too quickly for those that I work with. The production mindset is not intrinsically bad; deadlines and deliverables often are real, and the production mindset helps us to get things done and move on. But when overdone, others may feel left behind in the decision-making and the actions that result from it. The kitten as a symbol of compassion and care not only helps to treat others with the love and respect they deserve; it also fosters a collaborative mindset in the team.
Here are some questions to consider. Do you have a production mindset? How does it show up? What are the upsides of this mindset? Does this mindset sometimes come in the way of having good relations? If so, how do you notice? What can you do to let go of your production mindset when it gets in the way of good teamwork? Do you have people around you who tell you the truth when you need correction? One good question to ask ourselves is whether the pressure to get things done is appropriate—it sometimes is—or whether it results from impatience within. Whatever the answers to these questions are, it is not a good idea to barrel over others. Put a kitten in your iron fist!